Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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