Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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