we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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