Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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