Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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