my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
