If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
