ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
