So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
