omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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