So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
