you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
