After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
