I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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