I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
