YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
