The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
