Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
