I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
