i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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