apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just invented taco cereal.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize