I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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