i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She told me I should be a condom model.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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