This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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