Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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