I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
