i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
