another moral hangover. fuck.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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