You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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