I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
