we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
