Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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