This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I fill condoms, not promises.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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