Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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