somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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