i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
