would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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