how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
