I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
