Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
