I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
