Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
