he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
