ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
