I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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