Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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