I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
