i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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