Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
