Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
