I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
