I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
