ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
