i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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