Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize