he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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