I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
