I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
