How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
