if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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