I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
