dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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