its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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