I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
