Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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