So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
