you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
