Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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