he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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